We All Have A Work to Do

The Plan of Salvation

            Each one of us was placed on this Earth to fulfill a different purpose. We all have distinct talents and qualities that make it possible to fulfill our purpose. “Part of the Plan of Salvation or the Plan of Happiness is to have the opportunity and responsibility to live in and perpetuate family relationships. Part of our work to do is fulfilling our roles as a son, daughter, sister, brother, husband, wife, mother, or father.” One of my favorite scriptures reads, “For behold, this life is the time for men to prepare to meet God; yea, behold the day of this life is the day for men to perform their labors” (Alma 34:30–32).

President Joseph F. Smith reminded us, “To do well those things which God ordained to be the common lot of all man-kind, is the truest greatness. To be a successful father or a successful mother is greater than to be a successful general or a successful statesman. One is universal and eternal greatness, the other is ephemeral.” What matters most lasts the longest.

We can fulfill our roles while on Earth in many different ways.

We can fulfill our roles through…

• ·         Our Agency and Accountability
• ·         Our Gratitude
• ·         Our Education
• ·         Our Family
• ·         Our Friends
• ·         Our Decision on How we use Entertainment and Media
• ·         Our Language
• ·         Our Honesty
• ·         Our Service to Others
• ·         Our Faith

As we fulfill our roles we fulfill our purpose on Earth. Within a marriage and within a family we are called to serve. Family members unselfishly serve each other. All relationships take work which leads to success. Work while on the Earth builds a strong family foundation. Work is a blessing from God. It is a principle of salvation.  

Light in the Darkness

The Family A Proclamation to the World

            Spiritual light can cut through the darkness. The Family Proclamation was created for the entire world, not just members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. Our world is constantly changing through beliefs, values, politics, etc. The Family Proclamation can provide individuals and families with a guide and a standard to follow during these unstable times. I wanted to share The Family Proclamation with others in my blog because I feel it can bring personal strength to families and individuals. I believe it can bring clarity in a world of confusion, I believe it can encourage self-improvement through faith, patience, and love, and I believe we should refer to it as we encounter relevant issues within the world or within our own family.

“President Henry B. Eyring explained that the proclamation provides an eternal perspective to help us understand the value of family relations…Truly, understanding and internalizing the principles in the proclamation changes our perspective, our goals, and our entire approach to family life.” Happiness is centered on the family. Family is the fundamental unit of society. Eternal, to me, means something that lasts forever. We can have eternal marriages and eternal families! Romance, love, marriage, and parenthood are all eternal family anchors. They bring us happiness. The adversary disrupts these eternal family anchors. That is why I encourage you to read and understand the many principles found in The Family Proclamation, to protect and defend your family from the adversary.

One section of The Family Proclamation that my family memorized and has put into action is in the seventh paragraph. “Successful marriages and families are established and maintained on principles of faith, prayer, repentance, forgiveness, respect, love, compassion, work, and wholesome recreational activities.”

Faith: My family has faith in the gospel of Jesus Christ. We have a testimony of the importance of putting our complete trust in God. We know that He will always be with us even through difficult times of trial.

Prayer: We have family prayer every morning and evening as a family. We pray for our family members, friends, and those in need during difficult times. Prayer is how we communicate with God.

Repentance: Everyone makes mistakes! Sometimes those we love, our family, can offend or hurt us. It is important that family members acknowledge their faults and correct any wrongdoings.

Forgiveness: If we want to be forgiven by others it is important that we also forgive. Our home has less contention and more friendship when we choose to forgive each other. In our home we teach about the importance of forgiving everyone.

Respect: Everyone was created differently for a specific and divine purpose. Differences are good and can even be complimentary. That is why we try to practice respect for differences within our family.

Love: Within our family we try to show our love for each other in many ways through our words, actions, and deeds.

Compassion: Compassion means having a kind heart towards others. As we are considerate to our family members we are able to better help them.

Work: As a family we enjoy working together. I want to teach my children of the importance, fulfillment, and success work can bring. I know I can only do this by working alongside them and my husband.

Wholesome Recreational Activities: My family really enjoys the outdoors. We enjoy camping, fishing, and hiking together. These activities help unite our family.

 

These principles have almost become our family “rules.”  We live by these principles and incorporate them into our daily lives. These principles make our family life better and help us focus on what matters most. While there is confusion, change, turmoil and darkness within the world today, let us all have light and happiness within our homes and families by following the principles and teachings of The Family Proclamation to the World. 

Attaining Peace in Our Lives

Forgiveness

There are many different things people do in this world that can cause us hurt. Individuals in our neighborhood, individuals we work with, go to school with, and beyond can all offend us and cause us hurt. Even family members can hurt us. Why do those we love sometimes hurt us the most? How do we regain peace in our lives after a serious offense? Elder Richard G. Scott concluded that, “The sure path to peace and healing is forgiveness.”

I would like to share a personal experience about forgiveness from within my family of origin. If we want to be forgiven it is important that we forgive others. Throughout my life I have struggled with forgiving my father for his actions towards my mother and my sister. My mother and father decided to get a divorce while I was young. However I was old enough to know of the hurt and see the betrayal in my parents’ marriage. As I have gotten older I feel as if I have developed a closer relationship with my Heavenly Father. Being raised in the gospel of Jesus Christ and understanding the importance of forgiveness and well as the Atonement has helped me to know that my responsibility is to forgive. I have forgiven my father and I pray that he will have the desire to repent if he has not already done so. I know that my father must have guilt associated with his actions and if I ever see him again while on Earth I want him to have the peace of knowing that I have forgiven him. I also try to remember the many mistakes I have made in my life and how God and others have forgiven me of my sins. This helps me remember that I need to forgive others and let go of resentments.

            Forgiveness is not a term only used by Latter Day Saints. The word forgiveness and its meaning have become increasingly prominent in professional literature. “Mental health experts acknowledge that it is impossible to address emotional and physical well-being without considering the relevance of forgiveness.” Just as mental health experts suggest, forgiveness can improve damaged family relationships and bring about better emotional and physical health. I know that using my own agency and choosing to forgive my father improved my emotional state of being. Holding onto negative feelings only made me depressed and emotionally worn-out. My negative feelings not only affected me emotionally but they also impacted my physical health decisions. I had no desire to become better until I chose to forgive my father.

It takes time and effort to forgive another individual, especially for serious offences. It is never easy, in fact it can be really hard, but it benefits not only the individual you are choosing to forgive but it also brings peace into your life. I would like to leave you with a video that has inspired me and taught me that I can forgive others for any wrongdoing. I hope this Mormon Message video gives you hope and helps to bring you peace!

Family Practices Do Strengthen the Family Bond

Family Practices

My family participates in family rules, family traditions, religious practices and family time. These are just a few family practices that have strengthened our family’s unity. The religious practices that my family chooses to participate in have been the biggest source of help in creating a cohesive family unit. “Religious practices are outward, observable, expressions of faith.”

Prayer has been and will continue to be a religious family practice in my home. My husband and I pray together and we pray for each other. This strengthens our family bond because our validation for each other is often expressed. Prayer has helped my husband and I find solutions to our problems or disagreements. I often experience humility when I pray, and I believe that when you are humble you become teachable and can receive knowledge.
I believe both secular and spiritual knowledge is needed to understand how to strengthen our families. In Elder Richard G. Scott’s talk titled, Acquiring Spiritual Knowledge he explains, “The treasures of both secular and spiritual knowledge are hidden ones—but hidden from those who do not properly search and strive to find them. … Spiritual knowledge is not available merely for the asking; even prayers are not enough. It takes persistence and dedication of one’s life. …”  

            I also feel that spending time together as a family greatly strengthens our family’s bond. My husband and I try to plan a family activity weekly. This past week we decided to go on a family hike! During this meaningful time spent together we communicated with each other. We maintained and created a better friendship. This allowed us to feel close to each other which strengthened our bond. I feel that spending time together as a family can have many positive outcomes. Family time can promote acceptance, de-escalate negative emotions or interactions, reduce feelings of hostility, enhance emotional relationship behavior, and help to solve problems.

Family practices can include a wide range of activities! The best part is that you can create family practices that will have a lasting impact on your family. Memories and traditions are created through family practices. Every individual and family is different, and family practices are one way to highlight your differences and grow together as a family. 

Draw Others Back to You through Your Love

I wish to express the importance of showing love, being hopeful, expressing validation and being forgiving of those who stray from our families. I think many families have parents, children, friends, etc. who become wayward. There are members of my family who have made mistakes and suffered from abuse and addictions. What human being has not made a mistake? During difficult challenges it is helpful to have supportive family members.

Anger

            Anger is a secondary emotion. Anger destroys families within the walls of their own homes. Most people get angry when their expectations about what others should do are not being met. I know I have allowed myself to be angry towards others for their actions, but this is not an effective way to help those we love. Anger is actually a choice. We have a stimulus or something that makes us angry, and then we have our agency, and can choose our response. It is important to make our homes and relationships safe heavens.

 

Dealing with Differences

            Unrealistic expectations are a problem facing many individuals and families. There are many ways that we can communicate our expectations, show love, and express validation for those we love. One technique I use to do this within my own family is called the Speaker-Listener Technique. This is a technique involving two people. One person is the speaker and the other is the listener. The speaker uses “I” statements to communicate what they think and feel. The listener paraphrases what the speaker is communicating, with the hopes of better understanding the speaker so that a resolution can be reached. Google is actually a great resource to find more information about the Speaker Listener Technique.

 Temple Covenants

            As mentioned before I am a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints. I would like to share a quote from President Boyd K. Packer about the binding power of the sealing ordinance made in the temple. “Now sometimes there are those who are lost. We have the promise of the prophets that they are not permanently lost, that if they are sealed in the temple ordinances, and if the covenants are kept (by the parents), in due time, after all the corrections that’s necessary to be given, that they will not be lost.” I believe that natural consequences follow everyone’s actions and choices. I believe that it is important to not judge others for their mistakes or trials. “It is important to love family members, let them make their own decisions, and separate the sin from the sinner.”

The Importance of Multiplying and Replenishing the Earth while Receiving the Blessing of Children

A Decision to Have Children

            Today husband and wife, men and women are choosing to have fewer children or no children at all. Families who do choose to have many children are thought to be either irresponsible or just crazy! I believe that parenthood allows husband and wife to care for and nurture children and to teach children to love, to be charitable, to be knowledgeable, to be virtuous, to be patient, and to be diligent. The future depends upon the children of the world today. What an important duty and responsibility parents have! The Earth needs to be replenished for production.

I am a member if the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints and I believe that the decision to replenish the population and have children, when to have children, and how many children to have should be between the husband, the wife, and God. “The God Triangle” or otherwise known as “The Marriage Triangle” teaches that when a husband and wife include God in their decisions, either big or small, they grow closer together to each other and also to God.

The Blessings of Children and Investing in the Next Generation

         I know I have thought about the potential risks to families, individuals, the nation, and the world when we choose not to multiply and replenish the Earth. Having children creates a more stable society. Article 16.3 of the Universal Declaration of Human Rights states, “The family is the natural and fundamental group unit of society and is entitled to protection by society and state.” “A global society consists of nations of communities of families. Citizens who are parents are more invested in the well-being of their community.” President James E. Faust noted that, “while few human challenges are greater than that of being good parents, few opportunities offer greater potential for joy.” I know that being a mother will be full of sacrifices but I could not imagine a more accomplishing role.

A Father is a Blessing

To Preside

            Fathers hold many responsibilities within a family. “Fathers are directed to take upon themselves the responsibility of spiritual leadership in family life. A father’s responsibility to preside occupies the first and foremost duty among the varied obligations that rest upon men in family life. The manner in which a father is to exercise spiritual guidance among family members is “in love and righteousness.” The family should come first before all other worldly obligations. As previously mentioned, my mother and father are divorced. I did not grow up with a father in the home but now I am married and realize the importance of my husband presiding in our home. My husband works and is a student. He is in school full time and I appreciate how he sets time apart for family, work, and school. I also know that he works and goes to school, as many other fathers do, for the benefit and further progression of our family.

To Partner

            Both a father and a mother are needed to raise children. Men and women are different and have diverse gifts and talents. Therefore they complement each other not only in marriage but also in parenthood. “Parenthood was framed as a joint partnership within the context of a committed relationship between husband and wife, as father and mother.” “To partner in fathering is to accept the responsibility of rearing a child in cooperation with others, particularly the child’s mother, and to assist and give support in doing the work of nurturance, love, and guidance in a child’s upbringing.”

To Be Present

            Fathers as well as mothers need to develop a bond with their children. President Howard W. Hunter explained, “A father’s leadership in family life requires both quality and quantity time and that fathers give their time and presence in their social, educational, and spiritual activities and responsibilities.” Present fathers bring security into the home for children. Being present and continually responsive to children’s needs and desires in life needs to become a lifelong commitment.

To Provide

            “A fundamental principle of fathering includes meeting a child’s temporal needs and making opportunities for him or her to grow and develop.” I believe that children can learn the importance of work through their fathers. Fathers can teach their children that you simply do not get something for nothing. I think there is a growing trend of parents providing every want for their children. Children who are given everything they want will continue to want for the rest of their lives. Fathers can teach their children that they must work hard for what they receive. I believe that as fathers teach children how to work; working can instill accomplishment and success in children currently and in the future.

To Protect

            “The context of preparing a child for the outside world and instilling a child with needed skills and knowledge sets up yet another fundamental principle of fathering, to protect a child from harm and also equip him or her to both avoid and manage life challenges.” Children look up to their fathers as they set the example. Fathers have the ability to share wisdom and teach values to their children which will remain with them through adulthood and as they begin their own family. As children see their fathers using skills and knowledge to make correct choices in life children will follow that example and will be more able to manage future life challenges.

The Work of a Mother

Love: The Foundation of Effective Mothering

            I am currently a student studying Child Development. Throughout the courses I have taken for my major I have learned the importance of being a responsive mother. One study that comes to mind that I would like to share about the effects a mother can have on her child is the Harlow monkey study. Harry Harlow conducted a study with a baby monkey who had two different mothers. One mother was made out of wire, this wire monkey was the baby monkey’s food source and had the ability to nurse the baby monkey. The other mother was made out of cloth and did not have the ability to feed the baby monkey. Of course this baby monkey had to live and would go to the wire monkey for food but would return to the cloth monkey for love, security, and comfort. During this study the baby monkey was placed in two different situations. Each situation made the baby monkey fearful. As the baby monkey experienced these fearful emotions during these situations, the baby monkey always went to the cloth mother and never the wire mother. The cloth mother replaced fear with comfort, affection, and safety. As the baby monkey found security in the cloth mother, new positive response patterns developed within the baby monkey’s behavior. The monkey actually began to explore what had previously been fearful.  Click here if you would like to watch a short video clip about this study.

            All mothers develop relationships with their children. I thought this study was a proven example of the importance and necessity of love. It is critical for a mother to be responsive to a child’s needs in order to develop a secure attachment. “A secure attachment enables a child to develop feelings that he or she deserves love, feelings that help him or her learn to appreciate, understand, and empathize with the feelings of others and appropriately regulate relationship closeness and conflict resolution.” I believe that every person needs to know that they are loved by at least one other person. Every person needs love to develop and survive. Did you know that the development of a child depends upon the attachment between the mother and child? “The way a mother interacts with her child predicts cognitive, social, and emotional development.” John Bowlby’s attachment theory explains the effects of low maternal care or attachment. “Children who had been deprived of maternal care during extended periods in their early lives seemed to develop into individuals who lacked feeling, had superficial relationships, and exhibited hostile or antisocial tendencies.” Becoming a mother includes many lifelong responsibilities. Maternal sensitivity and attachment can have either positive or negative effects on children. As a mother it is important to respond to your child’s needs as well as giving them the opportunity to explore and develop autonomy.

            I would like to conclude by sharing my understanding that I know every family is different and not all mothers are able to be at home with their children every day. My mother and father were divorced when I was young and my mother had to work during the day. However my mother knew the importance of communication. She communicated with me by being aware of my after school activities. She also was able to monitor my actions because she would make sure she called me after I was out of school to listen about my day and make sure I was home safe. Even though my mother was not at home during the day she was still very involved in my life and I knew by her communication of her love for me.

Spending Time as a Family Improves Parenting Styles

Parenting Styles versus Practices

The four different parenting styles are authoritarian, permissive, authoritative, and uninvolved or disengaged. I would like to focus on the authoritarian and authoritative parenting styles. I would like to explain the authoritarian parenting style which is associated with the coercion parenting practice. Coercion occurs when a parent tries to compel a child to behave in a certain way. Usually in a way that is most desirable to the parent. Coercion leads children to escape, avoid, and find ways to get even with their parents. Coercion produces losses in the parent/child relationship. Authoritarian parents are strict, structured and demand obedience, showing little love and warmth to their children. Authoritative parenting involves a balance between love, warmth, rules, and structure.

“Authoritative parents are presumed to create a positive interactional climate based on the optimal balance of high warmth to high expectations, which environment in turn leads to children and adolescents being receptive to parental influence.” Elder Robert D. Hales taught, “The key to strengthening our families is having the Spirit of the Lord come into our homes.” We can invite the Spirit into our homes by creating time specifically for the family. My family plans family activates once a week! My husband and I love to spend our time together but sometimes find it hard with our separate daily schedules. This time dedicated to each other weekly allows us to show our love for each other. I believe parents can plan family activities that involve their children as well. Parents should not create a home environment or relationship using coercion. Instead parents should plan and conduct family activities that teach their children the principles of the gospel of Jesus Christ. These activities can also teach children the consequences for appropriate and inappropriate behavior. The example established by the parents will teach the children. Family bonding activities sets time apart for the family where parents can show love to their children.

     

“Parenting practices is defined as strategies undertaken by the parent(s) to achieve specific academic, athletic, or social competence goals in specific contexts and situations.” Parenting styles can involve different parenting practices. Because every child is different and every parent knows their child best, “Parents can modify their parenting practices to children of different temperaments or challenges.” The most effective parenting practices are not those that bring immediate results and long term parent/child relationship losses. The most effective parenting practices are those which include high demands, when consequences for appropriate and inappropriate behavior are known, love or warmth, and the encouragement of child self-sufficiency. 

     

Gershoff and Bitensky argue that, “the primary goal for any socialization should be to promote children’s internalization of the reasons for behaving appropriately rather than to behave solely to avoid punishment.” Parents need to teach children to be their own judges. I believe natural consequences to misbehavior allow children to learn from their mistakes. Teaching children that their actions and decisions have consequences will prepare them for the world we live in today.

Parenting with Love, Limits, and Latitude

Rearing Children in Love and Righteousness

            What a blessing it is to be entrusted with little children. As parents we are held responsible for our children. We are held responsible for keeping our children safe, meeting their needs, providing for our children, loving and nurturing our children, and we are responsible for the knowledge our children receive. These are just a few main areas in which parents are held accountable. As parents we should understand that while some individuals share similarities, everyone is different.  You may share similarities and have differences with your spouse. Your children will also share similarities and have differences from you and your spouse. Every child is an individual and created to be different from everyone else. “The Proclamation admonishes respect for the divine and individual nature of children as parents love, teach, and guide them with an emphasis on teaching and preparing children rather than unrighteous controlling their wills.”

            “In order to promote optimal development and to rear children in love and righteousness, the following are crucial elements for each child, although specific implementations and approaches may be individualized based upon the needs and personality of the particular child:

• Love, warmth, and support
• Clear and reasonable expectations for competent behavior
• Limits and boundaries with some room for negotiation and compromise
• Reasoning and developmentally appropriate consequences and punishments for breaching established limits
• Opportunities to preform competently and make choices
• Absence of coercive, hostile forms of discipline, such as harsh physical punishment, love withdrawal, shaming, and inflicting guilt
• Models of appropriate behavior consistent with self-control, positive values, and positive attitudes”

                  
                  These points are characteristics of the authoritative parenting style. “Authoritative parenting fosters a positive emotional connection with children, provides for regulation that places fair and consistent limits on child behavior, and allows for reasonable child autonomy in decision making.” Authoritative parenting requires and is most effective when both parents are part of the process. Both parents need to be unified in their parenting techniques and approaches. “Authoritative parenting includes love, limits, and latitude.” Parents are children’s teachers. Children will pick up on parenting strengths and weaknesses. As parents strive to incorporate these authoritative parenting practices, children will learn from love, abide by the rules, and receive greater academic and social success in life. Children will learn to be their own judges and make decisions based upon instilled values and beliefs.

Honoring Marital Vows with Complete Fidelity

There are both spiritual and temporal consequences associated with all infidelity. Elder Richard G. Scott has warned, “Intimate acts are forbidden by the Lord outside of marriage because they undermine His purposes. When experienced any other way, they are against the Lord’s will.” Marital infidelity is a tactic used by Satan to spiritually and emotionally destroy individuals and families. Our bodies were created to fulfill divine purposes. Satan does not have a body, so he tempts the natural man and woman to misuse and demoralize their bodies. Living in a world that is advancing in media and technology provides more opportunities that often results in marital infidelity. Marital infidelity is temporary and will not bring eternal happiness. Marriages and children are both affected by infidelity. However there is always hope as we strive to live by the commandments and follow the teachings of the gospel of Jesus Christ. There are ways to prevent marital infidelity.

“One way to prevent marital infidelity is to create boundaries and constantly be on guard.” Setting boundaries about what you believe is or is not appropriate will determine what actions will take place in your marriage. It is important to make decisions early on as to how you will react in certain situations concerning moral cleanliness. For example, it is essential to devise a plan as to what your actions will be if or when you come across pornography. If you have already developed a plan of action to help you escape this form of visual infidelity, it will be much easier to follow through on making the appropriate decision and keeping within the boundaries you have set for yourself. Dr. Shirley Glass explains, “We must know how to put up appropriate walls to protect our marriages from outside influences and open the window of love and communication within our marriage.” If you feel you have come across or done something that surpassed your marital boundary, then discussing and communicating this with your spouse may help to resolve problems.

“You must remain fiercely loyal to your spouse to prevent marital infidelity.” Infidelity can begin gradually and unfortunately remain a constant temptation. Satan can be very subtle in introducing us to marital infidelity. We can also become numb to our feelings of marital infidelity. It is crucial not to give in to small temptations which have the possibility of becoming desirable through the numbing of our spirit and marital boundaries. “To remain fiercely loyal we must control our thoughts.” Allen and colleagues report, “Other thought processes protect us from infidelity, such as reinforcing commitment to our spouse, devaluing extramarital alternatives, and suppressing thoughts and feelings about others outside our marriage.” Our minds are powerful. We are capable of using our minds to protect ourselves from marital infidelity. It is important to keep our mind and time occupied. Elder Maxwell discussed, “Keep anxiously engaged in good things, for idleness has a way of wrongly instilling, again and again, that it is ourselves we must think of pleasing.” We must not put our needs first but put the needs of our spouse and children before our own.

Husband and Wife: A Partnership

Stewards in Equal Partnership

“President Hunter said: “The Lord intended that the wife be a companion equal and necessary in full partnership. For a man to operate independent of or without regard to the feelings and counsel of his wife in governing the family is to exercise unrighteous dominion.” Early in my marriage the differences between my husband and I became more noticeable and I found myself thinking about how to become equal partners. I believe that men and women were created to have individual differences. No one person is the same. It was important for me to realize in my marriage that my husband and I were raised differently by our families. I know it is my calling to create and maintain an equal partnership in my marriage. President Boyd K. Packer explained, “We serve where called by those who preside over us. In the home it is a partnership with husband and wife equally yoked together, sharing in decisions, always working together.” We must participate in a partnership of willingly giving, because without each other we cannot receive Celestial glory.  We are expected to come together and be united as husband and wife because that is the will of the Lord.

I also remind myself frequently in my own marriage that anything worth accomplishing takes much work, sacrifice, effort, time, and practice. Developing an equal partnership in marriage is created as you progress through life together. I feel you are constantly working on building unity. We are expected to come together for our own personal growth as well. Individual well-being is a benefit to equal partnership. I have felt that the more I grow individually the more I am able to contribute to my marriage and our unity becomes even stronger. I feel that as long as husband and wife are centered on the counsel of the gospel of Jesus Christ both will be able to more easily come together as one, which will create blissful relationships.

Best Friends for Life: Husband and Wife

Husband and wife need to become equal partners to prepare for parenthood. President James E. Faust taught that, “Every father is to his family a patriarch and every mother a matriarch as coequals in their distinctive family roles.” Together husband and wife, mother and father as proclaimed by Elder L. Tom Perry, “organize and plan the affairs of the family jointly as they move forward.” Better parenting is one benefit to becoming equal partners. “Parents with more relationship equality are more likely to work together as a team in parenting their children. They are more likely to support each other and form a united from when disciplining their children.”