A Father is a Blessing

To Preside

            Fathers hold many responsibilities within a family. “Fathers are directed to take upon themselves the responsibility of spiritual leadership in family life. A father’s responsibility to preside occupies the first and foremost duty among the varied obligations that rest upon men in family life. The manner in which a father is to exercise spiritual guidance among family members is “in love and righteousness.” The family should come first before all other worldly obligations. As previously mentioned, my mother and father are divorced. I did not grow up with a father in the home but now I am married and realize the importance of my husband presiding in our home. My husband works and is a student. He is in school full time and I appreciate how he sets time apart for family, work, and school. I also know that he works and goes to school, as many other fathers do, for the benefit and further progression of our family.

To Partner

            Both a father and a mother are needed to raise children. Men and women are different and have diverse gifts and talents. Therefore they complement each other not only in marriage but also in parenthood. “Parenthood was framed as a joint partnership within the context of a committed relationship between husband and wife, as father and mother.” “To partner in fathering is to accept the responsibility of rearing a child in cooperation with others, particularly the child’s mother, and to assist and give support in doing the work of nurturance, love, and guidance in a child’s upbringing.”

To Be Present

            Fathers as well as mothers need to develop a bond with their children. President Howard W. Hunter explained, “A father’s leadership in family life requires both quality and quantity time and that fathers give their time and presence in their social, educational, and spiritual activities and responsibilities.” Present fathers bring security into the home for children. Being present and continually responsive to children’s needs and desires in life needs to become a lifelong commitment.

To Provide

            “A fundamental principle of fathering includes meeting a child’s temporal needs and making opportunities for him or her to grow and develop.” I believe that children can learn the importance of work through their fathers. Fathers can teach their children that you simply do not get something for nothing. I think there is a growing trend of parents providing every want for their children. Children who are given everything they want will continue to want for the rest of their lives. Fathers can teach their children that they must work hard for what they receive. I believe that as fathers teach children how to work; working can instill accomplishment and success in children currently and in the future.

To Protect

            “The context of preparing a child for the outside world and instilling a child with needed skills and knowledge sets up yet another fundamental principle of fathering, to protect a child from harm and also equip him or her to both avoid and manage life challenges.” Children look up to their fathers as they set the example. Fathers have the ability to share wisdom and teach values to their children which will remain with them through adulthood and as they begin their own family. As children see their fathers using skills and knowledge to make correct choices in life children will follow that example and will be more able to manage future life challenges.

The Work of a Mother

Love: The Foundation of Effective Mothering

            I am currently a student studying Child Development. Throughout the courses I have taken for my major I have learned the importance of being a responsive mother. One study that comes to mind that I would like to share about the effects a mother can have on her child is the Harlow monkey study. Harry Harlow conducted a study with a baby monkey who had two different mothers. One mother was made out of wire, this wire monkey was the baby monkey’s food source and had the ability to nurse the baby monkey. The other mother was made out of cloth and did not have the ability to feed the baby monkey. Of course this baby monkey had to live and would go to the wire monkey for food but would return to the cloth monkey for love, security, and comfort. During this study the baby monkey was placed in two different situations. Each situation made the baby monkey fearful. As the baby monkey experienced these fearful emotions during these situations, the baby monkey always went to the cloth mother and never the wire mother. The cloth mother replaced fear with comfort, affection, and safety. As the baby monkey found security in the cloth mother, new positive response patterns developed within the baby monkey’s behavior. The monkey actually began to explore what had previously been fearful.  Click here if you would like to watch a short video clip about this study.

            All mothers develop relationships with their children. I thought this study was a proven example of the importance and necessity of love. It is critical for a mother to be responsive to a child’s needs in order to develop a secure attachment. “A secure attachment enables a child to develop feelings that he or she deserves love, feelings that help him or her learn to appreciate, understand, and empathize with the feelings of others and appropriately regulate relationship closeness and conflict resolution.” I believe that every person needs to know that they are loved by at least one other person. Every person needs love to develop and survive. Did you know that the development of a child depends upon the attachment between the mother and child? “The way a mother interacts with her child predicts cognitive, social, and emotional development.” John Bowlby’s attachment theory explains the effects of low maternal care or attachment. “Children who had been deprived of maternal care during extended periods in their early lives seemed to develop into individuals who lacked feeling, had superficial relationships, and exhibited hostile or antisocial tendencies.” Becoming a mother includes many lifelong responsibilities. Maternal sensitivity and attachment can have either positive or negative effects on children. As a mother it is important to respond to your child’s needs as well as giving them the opportunity to explore and develop autonomy.

            I would like to conclude by sharing my understanding that I know every family is different and not all mothers are able to be at home with their children every day. My mother and father were divorced when I was young and my mother had to work during the day. However my mother knew the importance of communication. She communicated with me by being aware of my after school activities. She also was able to monitor my actions because she would make sure she called me after I was out of school to listen about my day and make sure I was home safe. Even though my mother was not at home during the day she was still very involved in my life and I knew by her communication of her love for me.

Spending Time as a Family Improves Parenting Styles

Parenting Styles versus Practices

The four different parenting styles are authoritarian, permissive, authoritative, and uninvolved or disengaged. I would like to focus on the authoritarian and authoritative parenting styles. I would like to explain the authoritarian parenting style which is associated with the coercion parenting practice. Coercion occurs when a parent tries to compel a child to behave in a certain way. Usually in a way that is most desirable to the parent. Coercion leads children to escape, avoid, and find ways to get even with their parents. Coercion produces losses in the parent/child relationship. Authoritarian parents are strict, structured and demand obedience, showing little love and warmth to their children. Authoritative parenting involves a balance between love, warmth, rules, and structure.

“Authoritative parents are presumed to create a positive interactional climate based on the optimal balance of high warmth to high expectations, which environment in turn leads to children and adolescents being receptive to parental influence.” Elder Robert D. Hales taught, “The key to strengthening our families is having the Spirit of the Lord come into our homes.” We can invite the Spirit into our homes by creating time specifically for the family. My family plans family activates once a week! My husband and I love to spend our time together but sometimes find it hard with our separate daily schedules. This time dedicated to each other weekly allows us to show our love for each other. I believe parents can plan family activities that involve their children as well. Parents should not create a home environment or relationship using coercion. Instead parents should plan and conduct family activities that teach their children the principles of the gospel of Jesus Christ. These activities can also teach children the consequences for appropriate and inappropriate behavior. The example established by the parents will teach the children. Family bonding activities sets time apart for the family where parents can show love to their children.

     

“Parenting practices is defined as strategies undertaken by the parent(s) to achieve specific academic, athletic, or social competence goals in specific contexts and situations.” Parenting styles can involve different parenting practices. Because every child is different and every parent knows their child best, “Parents can modify their parenting practices to children of different temperaments or challenges.” The most effective parenting practices are not those that bring immediate results and long term parent/child relationship losses. The most effective parenting practices are those which include high demands, when consequences for appropriate and inappropriate behavior are known, love or warmth, and the encouragement of child self-sufficiency. 

     

Gershoff and Bitensky argue that, “the primary goal for any socialization should be to promote children’s internalization of the reasons for behaving appropriately rather than to behave solely to avoid punishment.” Parents need to teach children to be their own judges. I believe natural consequences to misbehavior allow children to learn from their mistakes. Teaching children that their actions and decisions have consequences will prepare them for the world we live in today.